Elevator Music

You have heard a song referenced before as elevator music. It's usually some slow ballad that most likely doesn't have any words and is very instrumental. I always wondered why the management of such a hotel or building of any sort would pick such boring music to entertain their guests for the short ride to their destination. I think I may have figured it out.

Elevators are small confined spaces that, for the not so rich, are pubic. When you are waiting for an elevator you never now what/who will be waiting for you when those doors open. Sometimes it's empty,and sometimes you can barely fit yourself and whatever it is you are carrying. No matter the capacity, however, there seems to be a sort of elevator etiquette.

Now I don't believe anyone was ever taught how to act in an elevator, but for some reason everyone knows. When an elevator is empty it is business as usual, but when it comes time to share the traveling box a different atmosphere is acquired. The change is instantaneous and is never thought about by the parties involved.

When an elevator is shared it becomes almost silent. A group of friends can be walking down the hallway mid conversation or laughing and carrying on, but once they enter an occupied elevator all conversation takes a hiatus. The friends look at each other and smile, and the other people in the elevator do the same. Once the doors open and a group leaves, and conversations are restarted.

This awkwardness in the elevator is something that is not very well understood, but it is fairly consistent throughout the world of elevators. I believe the elevator music gives a break in the silence and a feeling that is much less awkward. It allows there to be a sort of excuse for the breaks in conversation, because everyone "wants" to listen to "Elevator Music".

Stalkerbook

Social networks have been popular for many years now. With the beginnings of xanga, myspace, and eventually facebook social networks have become a common way to communicate through pictures and messages over the Internet. People have the ability to comment on these pictures and feel as though they are learning more about the person and gaining some insight into their life. The kicker is that you never actually have to talk to the people that you interact with on these sites. Some "friends" on these sites have never actually met. All they know is what is portrayed on the other's personal web page. Scary!

Facebook is one of the largest social networks. It provides services such as an AIM style chat, picture portfolios, videos, e-mail type messages, and wall comments. There are also many different applications that are available in order to enhance your profile. One feature that Facebook is known for is its news feed which is how it acquired the nickname Stalkerbook.

Facebook's "news feed" is the home page of every persons account. This section allows you to see information that your Facebook friends are posting and sharing with each other. This takes a lot of the leg work out of stalking. With relationship changes and new pictures flashing up onto your screen you can't help but take an interest. This information is often a catalyst in visiting an individuals' site and searching through their posted information.

I know that the very day that my new roommate information came in the mail, I got on Facebook and searched for him. I found him very quickly, friend requested him, and in a matter of hours he accepted. Once this occurred the stalking began. I wanted to learn everything I could about my new roommate. I looked through his pictures, his likes and dislikes, and even through some of his bumper stickers in order to get a sense of who he was and what he was about. I concluded that he was a weirdo.

Eventually we talked on Facebook and got to know each other that way. Some of my qualms about this new roommate were relieved, and we began to form a friendship. The first day that we met, I already felt that I knew him, and it was not an awkward situation.

I used Facebook to get to know somebody before actually meeting them. However, this is not a fool proof method. I misjudged my roommate and began to associate him with all sorts of stereotypes and other labels. When I got to know him in person some of these were proved to be false.

Many people, including myself, use Facebook as a first reference in social situations. It is used to find more information about a person's personal life. So be warned as to what you put on your Facebook page. Stalkerbook is a resource for social connections and interactions, but it is also a cyber first impression and in today's world that can make or break you.

Don't Drink the Pain Away

The weekend is used as a time for relaxation and fun. A time to get away from the stresses of the week; a time where school and work should not have to take priority. Some people use this escape by going to see a movie or by going bowling, while others like to let loose and head to a party (remember the different types) and hang out with their friends. Some people's idea of relaxation involves alcohol. Now I'm not here to judge that or say whether it is right or wrong; however, I do believe that there is a right and wrong way to go about drinking.

As mentioned in a previous blog, many people use alcohol as an excuse. Other people use it as an escape. I call this drinking with one's emotions. Some people like to use alcohol to celebrate or to cover up the pain of a bad break up or any negative life event for that matter. This is a HUGE mistake. Alcohol is not a mask.

When a person drinks in order to accomplish something (relieve pain, become happier...) alcohol tends to heighten the feelings that were being felt before drinking. This is what leads to fights, words said that were never meant to be heard, and actions that are later regretted. Let's use drinking to cover a break up as an example. There are two paths that the alcohol will lead the individual down:

The first is a more honest state when drunk. The person will be more apt to call their ex and beg to get back together, or they may tell them off. Its a mix of emotions that leads a drunk individual to feel as though they have made progress when in the morning they will realize that there were consequences for those words.

The second path is a "free" state. The drunk person will feel as though the only way to get over their ex is by having a great time and by showing him/her that they can have fun without the other's company. This leads the upset individual to do one or more of the following: get blackout drunk, get sick, be a social butterfly: being either creepy or smooth )creepy leads to fights; smooth leads to intimate activities), and having the confidence to venture outside of the party atmosphere (public places have cops...). All of these actions have consequences that must be dealt with if not at that time in the morning.

None of these actions nor consequences are what were desired in the beginning. The purpose of the person's drinking was to get rid of a specific emotion. Whether the emotion began to go away or not doesn't matter. If it did the person drinks more in order to keep up the effect. If it did not, the person drinks more in order to get it to. Both of these paths lead to consequences that will lead to regret. Drinking with one's emotions never turns out the way it was meant to. It doesn't work. If you are going to drink there cannot be a hidden agenda. And usually if this is a true a person will drink less and come out in the end with a positive experience.

Texting Times

Communication is a huge part of the social experience. With advances in technology such as cell phones, text messaging, and the Internet people today are in constant immediate contact with one another. Some people literally freak out when they leave their phone on their desk when they leave the room. They don't know how they will survive without it. Even if it doesn't ring or vibrate or sing or whatever, people find a sort of security and comfort in having their cell phone with them. Just the thought that someone could get a hold of us is a comforting factor and one that we don't try to be without.

Text messaging is huge in today's society. The technology that was originally created for the hearing impaired has become common place amongst young people, and now as well with their parents. Text messaging is a convenient and quick way to send a memo or piece of information that does not warrant a full phone call. Now I know that's no longer how it is used. People now have full conversations that last entire days through text messaging. The day of the phone call seems to be disappearing.

Now how can this be considered a social situation? Well here's the deal. Text messaging is very vague and requires interpretation. When we have a conversation face to face we can use body language and tone of voice to interpret the meaning of what another is saying. In order to express meaning we spell the way a word would sound. We also ask quite a few more questions in order to clarify what the other is saying. Let's begin the analysis.

The vagueness of texting can be used to great advantages in finding out information, social information. If you are an avid texter you have found yourself thinking about how to phrase something. Most times its because there is a hidden meaning it what you are saying. You are trying to find something out without having to directly ask it. This is much easier with texting than person to person because body language is not a factor. The other person has a difficult time noticing that there is a hidden agenda and will be more apt to say what they are thinking.

Lying is also a lot easier through text message. Don't act like you don't lie, whether its to protect the secret of a birthday party or to protect a friend it doesn't matter. Without eye contact and other body orientated clues it is very difficult to catch another person in a lie. People have to take texting at face value because there is a certain kind of deniability by the sender if they are questioned about the topic.

For these reasons I believe that many people are much more confident through texting or other written media forms. They do not feel the pressures and judgements of those around them. They can say what they feel, and if the other person doesn't like it the consequences do not have to be dealt with at that moment. The situation can be averted by just ignoring the text. Now this can cause many other problems, but it does show how much person to person conflict and interaction can be intimidating for many people. Expressionless media is a sort of escape for many people, while at the same time allowing them to feel connected to friends and others.

Da Da Doo Doo...Just Dance

Dancing...Very scary for some and highly sought after by others. Dancing can be a form of self expression, exercise, a way to be close to the opposite sex, or just a way to let loose and have some fun. The dancing that I'm going to discuss is the "social kind"; not something you would see on America's Best Dance Crew.

Now I can only give a guy's perspective on dancing; however, I will be be able to give an observation of the female perspective. A lot of guys do not particularly like dancing. The reason many of them do dance is to be close to a female. For men this is the beginning of a more intimate journey. One that could go in many different directions. Granted that these guys want to begin a journey (the destination is different for everyone), but getting started on the right path is very difficult.

Many guys feel like "creepers" when they try and dance with a girl. It is a very bad idea to just walk up behind a girl and begin dancing with/on her. Most girls tend to stay with a group of friends, and once they feel like they are being creeped on, a secret code of eye movements and head nods is used causing her friends to take her away saving her from what she feels is an uncomfortable situation. It takes some ground work for a girl to feel comfortable straying from their group or at least adding another person into it.

I have an Australian friend here at Purdue who was entirely perplexed by the grinding situation at an American party. he describes grinding in Australia as a prelude to a "good night". While here in America dancing can literally mean nothing and just be a fun way to hang out. He said he felt like these girls would slap him in the face if he danced with them like that. I explained to him how he should go about it:

I said there are a few key steps that you should practice and utilize. When you're walking through a room make eye contact with some girls that you are interested in. If they return the eye contact that is step one. Next wander over to them maybe strike up a small talk conversation, otherwise make eye contact again and begin to dance around/as a part of her group. Laughing, smiling, and more eye contact means that you're doing well.

After a bit of dancing from a distance make your way closer. Don't just get up behind her; she makes the final decision. Once you get close enough to look as though the two of you are together, but aren't touching she will either go the rest of the way or back away. If she goes the rest of the way you're good to go. Have fun! If not, it's no big deal. Don't push the issue just move to another room and try again.

Now he did put this advice to use one night and came back with a wonderfully funny success story, eventhough he did say that he still felt awkward and wanted to go back to his personal space. Most girls love to dance, most guys love when they do. However, there is a process in order for the journey to be successful and for the awkward creeper feelings to be at a minimum. Have fun dancing!

Confidence Juice; Truth Serum...An Excuse

What makes alcohol so appealing? Maybe its the taste...except that a vast majority of people won't drink something if they can taste the alcohol. Ok, so that's not it. Maybe its the hangover the next day...haha. Well, than what can it be? From what I have observed, alcohol has been called many things. I've heard it being called confidence juice and truth serum, liquid gold and poison; however, more over I believe alcohol is just an easy excuse.

Alcohol is a very common drug that is used by people all over the world to achieve a desired effect. Alcohol lowers people's inhibitions. They are more confident in what they are saying, in what they are doing, and in what they are feeling; however, these effects are only short lived. the decisions made during the brief period of self-confidence are often regretted the next morning once a person has a chance to recal or be re-told the night. The reason for this is simple. Alcohol is lowering the inhibitions that are put into place by a sober mind. It is being used as an excuse for otherwise normally unaccepted behavior.

Some people say that they drink in order to be more confident. Well this is indeed a truth about alcohol, and possibly if used in moderation the desired confidence can be a achieved. while still making decisions that will not be regretted in the morning. Whether this confidence is in the form of talking to members of the opposite sex, dancing, or just being comfortable in a normally intimdating social enviornment. However, the problem is that most people do not know when they have reached that level. They get excited about the "confidence" they feel and therefore continue to drink in order to obtain more of this feeling. This mentality is what causes a person to drink to much, lowering the inhibitions further causing actions that will lead to regret.

Once a person completely breaks down these barriers, the desired actions begin to advance to a level that they were not intended to go. instead of just talking to members of the opposite sex a person begins to "creep" on them or may advance the talking to actions of a more intamte level. In normal conversation many secrets and privlaged information are shared with an audience that they were not inteded for. This causes all sorts of drama and turmoil. People get angry over broken promises and "true feelings". Later people excuse the behavior by saying "I was drunk".

This phrase is an all to common one. People excuse behavior that they would normally scoff at because they were drinking. Instead of owning up to a mistake they blame alcohol and expect everything to be forgivin. Unfortunately that is not the way the sober mind works. So a word of advice not only from observations but also from some personal experience, don't use alcohol as an excuse; it will only get you into trouble.

The Big Questions

So normally at the end of the week I write a blog pertaining to the weekend social life. Tonight I decided not to do that. I had an epiphany this week and I just needed to write about it. This was one of those moments where the light bulb just comes on, and it all makes sense. It has to do with the way people learn and how they think. I believe that everyone has one big question that they ask, and almost anything that they remember or learn pertains to that question.

The questions that I'm talking about are the simple one's that we learned in the 2nd grade; who?, what?, when?, where?, why?, and how?. So here's the theory: everyone has one question that they particularly cling to. Most engineers want to know how things work; historians of various sorts ask the who and where questions; and psychologists want to know why. These different questions shape people's lives by giving them something specific to study and analyze.

The question that I ask is "why?". This question drives my very being (now don't think that, I do have a social life). Even the blog that I write in twice a week is an analytical approach to why people act the way they do. I find that when I can figure out why something is the way it is then I can understand it. These understandings come from something as simple as a math process to something as complicated as the human brain.

In math I find that I can do perfectly in the class if I know why the equations work the way they do. If a process is just thrown in front of me, I will be able to do it, but I won't be able to do it correctly all of the time. Some people are the opposite. If they learn why something is the way it is it only confuses them more. They want to know how to do it or what to do, but when it comes to the question of why they would rather not know. I believe this is why some people can do so much better on certain exams than others. If the subject is difficult to attach to your personal question then it is nearly impossible to attach any amount of importance to it. Without importance it is very difficult for us to want to remember or care about a specific subject. These different questions shape the way that individuals learn and think.

In more social situations I am constantly analyzing why people sit where they sit, or why they say a certain phrase. Other people are perplexed by how someone can talk so fluidly or act so ignorantly. While the rest are trying to get the facts of the stories down. This is just a difference in that personal question; contributing to why each individual takes something different out a a situation. Different interpretations come from different questions, which can cause great confusion but at the same time give great incites into different situations. So next time you find yourself studying math or a social situation, try to figure out what your personal question is. I think you'll be surprised.