Monday, February 2, 2009

"I love him/her to death, but..."

Most people have more than one person that they would call a friend. Forming a group of friends to hang out with and talk to when needed is something that comes naturally. People need that social contact. Some groups are small and more tightly knit, while others are larger encompassing a wide variety of personalities. While the ideal situation would be that everyone in the group could get along perfectly with one another or have all members together at all times, this is merely impossible. With different class schedules, commitments, and interests different members of the main group will be separated at different times.

This separation can be good however. I have found that when two or three members of a larger group have time alone together that is when the more personal conversation arises. People feel that they can be more open in more intimate situations. This allows for the different members of the group to get to know one another more and in more depth. This is when it seems that the real bonds are formed. Be warned though. This is also a great opportunity for those members of the group to talk about the quality of the other people that make up this group of friends.

Now hopefully no one enjoys sitting around the TV degrading and finding all the faults of someone that they call a friend, but it does tend to happen. Whether this is caused by an event that happened earlier that day or from a lack of other conversation it tends to come up quiet regularly. The phrase "I love him/her to death, but..." is a commonly used one when people are talking about their friends. This phrase shows that the person talking does indeed care about that person, but there's just something about him/her that isn't right. Most times this conversation between the small group is never supposed to leave the group. It is just venting or a discussion in order to attempt to understand a person better. Right?

Unfortunately this is not always the case. As hard as people try it is very difficult for them to keep their mouths shut about anything. Once another void in the conversation occurs and another small group begins to talk. Secrets are let out and the drama begins. What started as small talk easily turns into "true feelings" and rumors. This occurs all to often. Whether eves dropping on a conversation or participating in one I'm sure that you have all realized how much people begin to talk about one another, especially those that they are close to. But why do we do it?

It happens for a variety of reasons. Some people talk about there friends negatively in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. Others talk about these people for the simple reason that they do not understand the situations fully or the person fully. No one likes it when they figure out a puzzle or problem. Therefore they begin to talk it over in order to try to understand. The same happens in social situations. I believe the main cause of gossip and rumors is because people are genuinely trying to find a reason for the behavior or words of a friend. However, in the end they only end up hurting that individual.


  1. I know of this problem all too well, not too long ago I lost a friend to this type of drama.

    One of my friends told another friend a secret, the same day the “keeper of the secret” told me what they had talked about earlier. I thought nothing of it; I could keep the secret as well. Eventually I found out I was not the only one to know of the secret, he told 3 others. Once I found this out I went directly to the main source and told her she had confided in the wrong person. She was very happy I told her he was going out and telling everyone. To this day they are no longer friends and I am not friends with him as well. He feels like I betrayed him, funny how it goes isn’t it. The one whom betrays finds the fault in other people, but now himself.

    You may think I am a snitch, but under the circumstances and the need for the secret to be kept would have been justifiable for anyone to tell.

  2. I think this post is very true to a point. People have many different types of friends in their lives. I would have to say that my scenario is closer to the one with a big group of friends with all different personalities all thrown into one. I think it's really important to expose yourself to all types of people and it's really great when you make friends with people and you become friends with their friends; it's like one big happy circle of friends. As far as the secrets go, I find that if someone has a secret they really do not want to get out, they should keep it to themselves because in one way or another, that secret will get out.